HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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