Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
