you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
