Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
