FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
