The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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