Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Boobs are out for the taking
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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