i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
