Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
