My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
