I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We need to get me chipped asap
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
