Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
