I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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