i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
