absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
