Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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