You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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