Your face is a jimmy john
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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