I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think people are normalizing furries
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
