I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
