So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
