I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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