i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
