How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
