Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
