Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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