Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
