You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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