I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
