I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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