So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
