Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
