OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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