i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
