Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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