maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
