you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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