Im at strip club and am horny
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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