When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
