I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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