My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i will never coherently bang her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
