I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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