Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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