Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
