Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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