i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
