Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
