and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
