I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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