I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
