When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
time to smoke my breakfast
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
